an old friend

i lived in colorado for a few years. it was, as that one book says, the best of times and the worst of times. Through all of it there was a girl who was always there for me no matter what. when i had no where to go she helped me find somewhere to sleep. when i had no food she litterally made me go to her house with her and eat the food her mom made. when a girl i thought was one of the greatest girlfriends i ever had dumped me out of the blue, my friend was the one who sent me the text "i'll be outside in 5 minutes" and sure enough she was there in 4. i learned a lot from her and found someone who i truly consider a best friend. her name is jo. if she ever reads this i want her to know how much she means to me and that i miss her. jo mama, if you're reading this.... i miss our drives out in the country and the many close calls with the law, i miss hanging out in the luggage shop your mom ran while you were there at work. may you always find peace within yourself and may the great love you deserve find you soon. i love you jo.

5:15 am after a long, hard, night of work... mostly putting up with bullsh*t

it's scary how the real world is now looking and feeling like a movie. everything has become larger than it used to be and that's funny because through the years most things have gotten smaller. my list of important things for instance, i'm boiling it down to the all important ones.

back to the original point...

it could also be said how sad it is that life has become almost unbelievable at times. i know that i personally have said many times "i don't believe what i'm hearing" when listen to the U.S. foreign policy, and when i hear about what little of a domestic policy that's left. perhaps shakespear was warning us not explaining things when he said all the worlds a stage and the men and women simply players in it. the question then becomes not what are they thinking but who's writting this f-ed up reality. the way things are going it seems to be a sadistic author. still... at least i can post this on the internet without fear. i'm not bragging, in a haha sucks to be you way, i'm just very thankful for the life i'm able to lead here. one last thing to think about. just because a person disagrees with the government and what it has come to stand for, that doesn't mean that the same person isn't proud to live in this great country, it just means we think it can live up to the myths surrounding it now.

mental awareness

don't panic. this is the best advice i have ever seen in print or on screen. don't panic. it fits in every situation. don't panic. calm and rationally input what is happening. don't panic. make a decision based as much in logic as emotion, with regards to past experiences. don't... panic. rationalize decision . don't... p...panic. continue to rationalize decision. don't fucking panic. say fuck it and just let your anger run free. don't panic. i get it now... happy 4th i guess(more later on modern patriotism)


i'm not sure if i'm trying to make a point or just a lame attempt at humor. either way, it made me smile so fuck off! :)